Why You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Why it’s a problem:
Quite often we compare where we are in life in regards to success, goals, milestones, etc. to others. These include people who are in our social circle, community, or even social media personalities. But what does that do for us? In reality, we are just placing a lot of expectations on ourselves, particularly unrealistic ones. Everyone has a different life trajectory and even definition of success. If you live your life based on what you think you “should” be doing because that’s what others are doing, then it might lead you to a path of unfulfillment in whatever you do. By comparing yourself to others, you are also potentially subjecting yourself to experiencing anxiety and depression along with low self-esteem and poor self-image.
My proposed solution:
But I get it; it’s hard not to compare yourself to others. We’ve been raised in a society that has done that for us and to us from early on in life. We get compared to others by our parents, teachers, coaches, extended family, and so on. So yes, it’s definitely a common occurrence and an automatic habit to compare yourself to someone else. But what can you do then to prevent yourself from feeling down, depressed, hopeless, or anxious? Obviously it’s going to be tough ask for me to tell you to stop comparing (yes, I’m aware that it’s the title of my blog---needed something catchy to grab your attention after all). Instead, I’m going to ask you to change how you go about comparing yourself. I suggest that you start looking at others achievements as an example of what to do or what not to do. Compare yourself in a way that allows you to gain ideas/perspective on what you want for yourself and whether or not that feels feasible/good for you. What you DON’T want to do, is to tell yourself comments like: “I’m so behind,” “I can’t do what they do,” “I’ll never be able to get to where they are in life or “They’re so much better/smarter than me.” Oftentimes it’s these type of comparisons that I see and hear in the therapy room. As you can imagine, this type of comparison tends to be counterproductive. At the end of the day, you’re you and they’re them. Its like comparing apples to oranges. So please be mindful next time of how you compare yourself to others, because, if you haven’t caught on yet, it will instinctively happen.
I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes to ponder:
“Do things at your own pace. Life is not a race.”
Cheers,
Dr. Jessica
