Dear Perfectionists: Why There’s No Such Thing as the “Right” Decision

You’re probably thinking, “what the H.E. double hockey sticks is she talking about? Of course there’s such a thing as a “right” decision!” Yes, there is, but not in the way you think. Oftentimes I hear perfectionists say they need to make the “right” decision in regards to XYZ, but how do you know what the “right” decision is before even making the decision? You can’t. Not unless you have a special ability to see into the future. If you’re a normal mortal like myself, then this isn’t a realistic expectation. There is no way for me to know what is the right or wrong decision before making the decision, no matter what the situation is. I might use my better judgment when making a decision, but I won’t be able to know if it was the necessarily the right one until after the fact. So what happens when we put that kind of expectation on ourselves? I’ll give you a few seconds here to guess………yup, you get stuck into a vicious cycle of anxiety! This will look like difficulty sleeping, restlessness, panic, negative self-talk. All the not so fun stuff.

  Instead, just see it as making a choice, that’s it. No need to label it with anything. Just call it what it is. A choice. You can use your best judgment, analyze it, go based on past experiences, whatever method that will help you in gaining some comfort in the choice you make, but at the end of it, you need to remember that it is just a choice. Not the “right” or “wrong” one. It’s ok to want to make the best choice especially in regards to important life decisions. But the second you label it with the words “right,” you’re asking for trouble (a bit of a hyperbole here, but you get the point). We’re essentially opening ourselves up to experience anxious thoughts, feel like we’re spiraling out of control, and even feel sick to our stomach because of the stress that word can create for us. And the truth is, day in, day out, throughout the day we are making choices. From what to food to eat, where to park, whether or not to call a friend, or bigger decisions like what school to apply to, what career path to go with, and so on and so on. We go through these stressors on a daily basis so imagine the magnitude of stress and anxiety we can experience when we place that type of expectation. So the next time you’re going to make a choice, which can be as soon as you finish reading this post, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re only human and that there’s no way of seeing or predicting the future (as much as we may want to at times.)

 I hope this post helps alleviate some of your day-to-day stress.

If this post resonates with you and you are interested in exploring perfectionism and/or to see if we’re a good fit to work together, please reach out via my contact form on my website. I’m also always happy to provide referrals in the communities of Los Angeles and Orange County, California.

 Cheers,
Dr. Jessica