A Lonely Road to Being “Perfect”
You’ve been taught that by doing it all and doing it perfectly you’d be leading yourself to a road filled with love and happiness, but instead it feels like a lonely road marked by anxiety, self doubt and self loathing. That’s because at the core of perfectionism are negative core beliefs that we [subconsciously] function off of such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unlovable.” Before I continue, please note that this post isn’t meant to alarm you. On the contrary, I’m hear to tell you that just as you learned to think this way about yourself, you can in fact unlearn it through some self-awareness and self-understanding and create a much brighter, fulfilling life for yourself (the one you deserve to live).
Where do these negative beliefs stem from?
All your experiences have brought you to where you are today. At some point in time, you’ve probably either directly or indirectly received the message that your feelings and/or needs are insignificant. Many cultures, for example, view feelings or expressing of feelings as a sign of weakness. If you had an upbringing similar to mine, then you’re probably not used to feeling your feelings. In fact, you probably fear your feelings and learned to push it down as deep as you can. But it’s that habitual way of living that has kept you, and continues to keep you, from truly living the life you want: one that is filled with genuine love, happiness, and authenticity. P.S. Please take a moment and check in with yourself after reading the prior sentence. If either or all of those three words (love, happiness, authenticity) scared you in any way or brought up some disturbance, then you are exactly at the right place. There’s something intimidating about being open to the idea of love and living authentically, and that’s because it requires something most of us perfectionists have avoided for a lifetime: being vulnerable.
How did I get here and what can I do about it?
You don’t have to fear being you, the real you, anymore. You are lovable and good enough, and I know it’s hard to see it and believe it now, but I promise it’s true. You just need a little TLC to get there; a safe place to be able to explore and express your feelings, the ones that you’ve bottled up for so long to keep yourself and even others around you safe. You probably saw a little or a lot of chaos around you and thought it was best to protect yourself and others by not feeling or showing your feelings. That coping strategy that perhaps served a purpose at one point in your life is now holding you back from living a fulfilling, happy life. So do yourself the biggest, greatest kindness that you can ever do, and tell yourself that you deserve to feel your feelings and that your needs matter, despite what you may have been led to believe many many years ago.
If this post resonates with you and you are interested in exploring perfectionism and/or to see if we’re a good fit to work together, please reach out via my contact form on my website. I’m also always happy to provide referrals in the community.
Cheers,
Dr. Jessica
