Are You a Perfectionist?
We’ve been told that being the perfect student, son/daughter, employee is what we need to strive for. After all, good things happen to good people, right? We need to try hard to be successful and being successful is what leads to happiness, or so we were told. Our society emphasizes and rewards perfection, heck, even invests in it (beauty standards and plastic surgery and all), but what does it really look like to be a “perfectionist” and why is it important to know if you are one:
First, let’s start with how to tell if you’re a perfectionist. Here are some tell-tale signs if you’re a perfectionist:
having high standards/unrealistic expectations for yourself and others
spending a really long time to get work done in order to avoid mistakes
avoiding/procrastinating on tasks due to fear of (potential) failure
difficulty trusting others or delegating tasks since they might not do it “perfectly”
feeling responsible for everything
difficulty taking breaks and/or sick days
difficulty asking or depending on others for help
Most people struggle with these behaviors from time to time. However, with perfectionists, these behaviors are a core of their being/existence, therefore, it’s more persistently present in their daily life. Hence why perfectionists may have diagnosis of common mental health conditions such as depression and some form of anxiety (i.e. panic disorder, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc.).
Why would it be important to know if you have perfectionist tendencies? Yes, being a perfectionist does come in handy such as times when it helps to be detail-oriented and a team leader, but there’s also a lot of costs that come with being a perfectionist that many people don’t talk about.
Here are some of ways perfectionism can actually set you back:
avoiding success for fear of failure or thoughts of not being good enough
feeling irritable often due to not meeting the high standards you set for yourself and others which can affect your relationships
having high standards for others can lead them down a path of low self-esteem and/or anxiety
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to strive for the best; the problem is when your self-worth is attached to your work/accomplishments. You’re stuck in a loop of never feeling good enough, constantly feeling like a failure, and even unlovable. This could then increase the risk of experiencing anxiety and depression. The good news is, this does not have to be your daily experience any longer. The way that you learned these perfectionist tendencies, you can unlearn them through some help via psychoeducation (i.e. self-help books, workbooks) and psychotherapy.
If this post resonated with you in any way, then check out the resources below to help you get started on living a more authentic life:
*(I do not receive any compensation for these referrals. These are books I’ve personally found informative through my journey and would like others to be aware of)
Better than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love by Elizabeth Lombardo
The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar
Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression by Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD and Jennifer Marshall
Change is possible. Don’t hesitate to get started on the life you deserve to live. I promise it’s worth it :)
Cheers,
Dr. Jessica
