HELP: The Four Letter Word Perfectionists Avoid
The news of Stephen “Twitch” Boss’s passing has surprised and saddened many of us and left us with several unanswered questions. How can someone who had the ability to brighten up every room he was in have the capacity to be so sad? The truth of the matter is that Stephen was not alone in his experience. He is one of many others who were silently suffering.
I write a lot about perfectionism and how it correlates with depression, burnout, and anxiety; however, I haven’t focused on the harsher truth about perfectionism that many experience: suicidal ideation. Perfectionism is often defined as having high, unrealistic standards and expectations for oneself, and when we feel as though we “failed” those expectations, it has a detrimental affect on how see ourselves. Further, having those high standards leaves us under constant pressure to succeed, which can be a relentless feeling. So it is no surprise that many perfectionists often have suicidal ideation as well. The news of Stephen’s suicide left me wondering whether he struggled with perfectionism. He was a successful person, no doubt, and having the eyes of the world on you to keep up that image can be a debilitating experience to a perfectionist when there is no room for mistakes or “failures.”
Part of being a perfectionist also means having a hard time admitting to any struggle and asking for help. That’s why many perfectionists often struggle in silence. The opinions of others and the persona we put out is immensely important to us. If we’re known to be happy, kind, successful, generous and that’s what helps us to feel accepted, then we will do whatever it takes to keep that image up. Otherwise, we would risk feeling rejected and rejection is one of the most painful human experiences.
We may never know why Stephen took his life, but we know that he was silently suffering; and he is definitely not the first or last one to do so. As we approach the holiday season, a time when family and friends matter most, I sincerely from the bottom of my heart wish Allison and their children healing during this difficult time. I hope they are surrounded by the love of a healthy support system. And lastly, I hope that each and every one of you can learn that it is ok to admit that you’re suffering. You are not alone in your pain, and there’s no shame to admit when you need help. Reaching out to the right person can make all the difference for you and the people who matter most to you. Please check in with yourself and those around you and remind yourselves and others “It’s ok to ask for help.”
If you or anyone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, below are resources you can reach for support:
California mental health line 1-855-845-7415
National suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255
Suicide Text hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Warmly,
Dr. Jessica
